But it didn't matter because my motivations were corrupt. I didn't care about helping the people I raised the money for. I just wanted to prove my parents wrong, stick it to my sister, get fame and attention. My only real goal was to snog Ryan Gosling at the Met Ball. Which I did. Couple of times, actually.
-But wait, why is Chidi here?
*Well, uh there's something you don't know about me. I read an article saying that growing almonds was bad for the environment, and yet I continued to use - almond milk in my coffee
- No, dingus! You hurt everyone in your life with your rigidity and your indecisiveness.
*Oh, fork! You're right. Every friend, every girlfriend was driven nuts because I couldn't do anything. I missed my mom's back surgery because I had already promised my landlord's nephew that I would help him figure out his new phone. I made everyone miserable.
You saw us all on Earth a selfish ass, an idiot DJ, a tortured academic, a hot, rich fraud with legs for days.

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