Mon: Emancipation papers? Honey! What does "emancipation" mean?
-It means I'll be on my own. All my life, I've been taking care of myself and you guys. I work two after-school jobs because you blew half my college fund bailing your boyfriend out of jail. So irresponsible. And you blew the other half trying to frame her boyfriend. It was so stupid. He was already guilty, dumbass. I've been on my own for a while now anyway, and after you sign these papers, it'll be official. I won't owe you anything; you won't owe me anything.
Dad: Well, if you want me to sign … oh, that's a joint. Uh, do you have a pen or a lighter?
Mom: You're a really interesting person, Eleanor. We should hang out sometime.
Wow, your parents sucked.
-Yeah, they did, and I've been using their crappy parenting as an excuse for my selfish behavior all my life. No more.
I put your mail on your desk and you have an appointment later with the Director of Point Calculations.

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